Whew!!!

There. That's better.

So I told them today, and it was a unique experience. The directors, Dr. Lowe, Skip, Steve Dancz, Candy, and Brad (who came by because he wasn't sure if I would actually go through with it) were there to watch. Somehow, I got through it without choking up... one of those weird moments when you know you have to do something, don't want to, yet do... where something, somewhere takes over for a few minutes and gives you the right words at the right time and the emotional gumption to suck it up and say what has to be said.

There were sniffles and smiles.

At the end, the band stood for what I'm sure was over a minute and just applauded, followed closely by the annoyingly sweet "Brett, Brett, Brett..." thing they do. I let them go, and was immediately met by a teary-eyed staff and onlookers to the biggest bunch of hugs I think I've seen since the funeral I most recently attended. Even Dr. Lowe turned my handshake into a hug.

So there. It's done, and it meant something. And if nothing else works out ever, I've already gotten more than most people do in their entire lives. What's more, the chore of moving and the perils of stepping solo into a new world are beginning to look less like a retreat and more like a sortie.

So I get to take my last 72 hours as a director of the Redcoat Marching Band and soak it up. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm not completely relieved, and I don't expect that I ever will be. But I finally have some peace.

Freaking

So I'm freaking out today, knowing what I'm about to do. I am scared to death, and everyone knows it. But I finally asked myself the following question today: "Are you going to live your life or not?"

The answer was "Yes."

So when I get back, some things will be different. But some things will never change. I'm going to take my dear friend Sarah's advice, which was advice I gave to her not too long ago: "Sometimes you have to believe in what you don't understand and fight for what you can't see."

So here I go. Wish me luck, though a little part of me says I'm not going to need it.

Kenny G is back?

I was watching TV this afternoon and I ran across an ad, which stunned me. The ad was for an album entitled "At Last: The Duets Album" by, you guessed it... Kenny G. (the "G," by the way stands for his last name, "Gorelick." Don't ask.)

In the ad, the announcer said that this album was on everyone's Christmas list, yet not a one of you mentioned it to me. What gives? If I had known I would most certainly shelled out the $18.98 + $4.00 S & H to get this for you. I expect our relationship to be more open in the future, and I hope you want the same. Just tell the truth.

If you still want it, you can buy it your damn self at http://www.tvatlas.com/prod.asp?pfid=104

Rusty and Ellen

Rusty and Ellen are why they make popcorn buckets so damned big. They've been gettin' jighie wif it in front of people forever and now they're doing that while they're online. Sheesh.

I'm going to go watch Lifetime, and flip the TV back and forth between that and Headline News.

Hello

So, I'm finally doing this and I really don't know why. I think Sarah got me into it and it seems to be good for her.

Any case, it's Thanksgiving week 2004. I still have a job, I have a birthday next week, and there are things in the air... in more than one regard. There is a great deal of instability around me, and that's ok. I've been dealing with that for some time and it's something to which I'm growing accustomed. There is also a feeling in the air, but it's hard to tell what it is. It could be the feeling that I'm great and everybody wants me around and I'm much more needed than I think I am. Or it could be that I have outgrown my usefulness to the people around me. I dunno, but I suspect that the next few months will tell us.

So, welcome to my noggin.