Saturday, September 30, 2006

I have added yet another link to your right, my left. Adam H. (who is on his way to Nashville right now) has begun a blog, and has written consistently since doing so. That's how you start a blog, damnit.

Actually, it's also how you maintain one... in theory.

Friday, September 29, 2006

"What? Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark!?"

So here’s how bad I am at the whole dating, knowing, flirting thing.

My great uncle J.T. died earlier this week (possible entry coming on this later) here in Nashville. The funeral was today, and my mother came into town. I had the added joy of jumping through the hoops necessary to renew my vehicle registration. Between the red tape, the preaching, and the heartblessing, I was unable to get to the gym at my normal time (2:30 PM CT).

One particularly cool feature of the gym of which I am a member is “Cardio Theater.” I’m not referring to the brand name of the television screens present in front of some cardio machines. I’m talking about a dark room, with just a touch of red light, with a movie screen and high quality sound system. It’s terraced, with different forms of cardio equipment on each tier. It is very similar to a real movie theatah.

Just outside of the Cardio Theater is the schedule of the movies that will be running each day. As I went in tonight, I was verrry tickled to see that tonight’s feature would be “Happy Gilmore,” starring Adam Sandler, Christopher McDonald, Julie Bowen, and Carl Weathers (for the record… I might be a total pus, but I miss Carol Vessey). I smiled, joined the maybe two other people who were already in the room, mounted (he, he) the chosen piece of equipment for the night, and began to exercise my cardiovasculus.

Some two minutes into tonight’s activity, a woman approached the cardio theater from the outside. She peeked in through the glass door with an obvious curiosity, noted the name of the film on the wall, and entered the room. I could tell, from what little light was present, that she had the capacity to be attractive.

You probably know what I mean.

One supposes that you can never be too careful when determining a person’s level of physical attraction in a fairly dark room, and that to me is enough reason not to try too hard. My rule of thumb is, “I don’t date shadows.” Come to think of it, I don’t really date people either. Nevertheless, I generally will ask myself whether or not a woman who is new to me is attractive or not. In this case, the answer was, “Well, she has an attractive shadow.”

And then I stopped thinking about it and got on with the borophyl… er, the movie.

Aaaaaaaaanyway. She took two steps into the virtually empty room and stopped to survey the area. She chose the same type of equipment I was using, but began with the first one she encountered as she entered. She approached the machine, looked at it, looked around again, and then started walking.

You already know what happened. She skipped five machines and then mounted (he he) the machine next to the one on which I was already laboring. I thought that was odd.


She began her exercise. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her turn her head and look at me. In fact, she looked at me for what felt like a week. It was actually about fifteen seconds. Then, she turned her head back to the movie and began to watch. It seemed unusual to me that she sat there and stared for so long.

Unusual. I would never do that. Not sober anyway.

It was at about this time that Kevin Nealon goes into his bit about “it” being “circular.” She laughed out loud. Sounded kinda forced. Then she did it again. And then she proceeded to continue to laugh out loud at every funny thing that happened for the next thirty minutes or so, looking briefly at me every five minutes or so.

She finished her exercise before I did. She proceeded to stretch in the theater, then went out to the weight room to do some legs.

I followed five minutes later, stretched, and walked past her on the way to another area. Curious, I looked at her face as I passed by. She had this blank “I have Big Slick and don’t want to show it” look on her face (which was uniquely attractive, by the way) as she looked back.

And I didn’t even smile.

I just kept walking, thinking nothing of it. I did the rest of my work pretty quickly, and then walked back toward the front door. I waved good bye to the front desk attendant, opened my car door, and sat down.

And then I started thinking about it. “Hang on. An attractive girl is alone in a gym that caters to young professionals at 7:45 PM on a perfect early autumn Friday night, and then she…”

And then I beat my head against my steering wheel numerous times.

Clueless... I think?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Damnit, Cprolina. You almost had 'em. At least this guy didn't lose to Spurrier.

Monday, September 25, 2006

My Permanent Accessory

I started writing down every single thing that I could remember about this past weekend. As I got into it, I realized how thoroughly embarassed I am. So I'm not going into great detail. If you weren't around for it though, all you need to know is that my little tailgating experience spun out of control due to some immaturity on my part. I'm quite sure that I dissappointed some people in the process, but I hope not.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Obligatory "What the Hell Are You Doing" Entry

I am somewhat devoid of thought right now. But because the internet exists, and blogs exist, and blog-readers exist, and somehow I still exist, it is incumbent upon me to write something on my little piece of internet real estate. I think it's going to be an update entry combined with random time, which I absolutely hate. But I don't have anything interesting to say about life, death, love, college football, music, failed athletic marketing campaigns, moving, momma, trains, prison, or gettin' drunk. So here you go.

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with bullets.

• You may have guessed from the smell or the background noise that I am in Athens at Walker's for the second week in a row. I often think Walker's loses money on me, because I sit and plug in and use their kilowatts, while only paying a total of $3 for two cups of coffee.

Then I think of the multiple ocassions on which Trina and I have run $80 bar tabs here, and I realize that they are making money on me.

• I played poker with Galarza and Russ last night. It was my worst finish ever in freeroll poker at a bar. That's really not saying much since it was only my third time, but it's much more dramatic to say it was the worst ever.

• Based on the noises my Explorer has been making, I'm afraid I'm going to have to purchase a new vehicle before the end of the year. As I look at cars on the road, however, I can only find two models that I like. This is not good.

• Is an older woman a good idea? Like 38, not like 70.

• Often when people say, "There's just no substitute for" something, they are incorrect.

• The practice of assigning the name "martini" to any liquor drink in a martini glass pisses me off. It didn't bother me, however, before I started drinking martinis.

• I worry that I might one day act like I drink martinis.

• It's official. I will be missing the Tennessee and Miss. St games. And, I will not be able to watch the Kentucky game.

• I think the homeless problem in Athens is really getting out of hand.

• Some people do freckles well. Other people don't. The girl that just walked into Walker's does.

That's it. I'm spent. Got nothin'.
This is absolutely brilliant. The Larry Munson Drinking Game, courtesy of the Georgia Sports Blog.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I sat through two major wrecks on the way back to Nashville today. A trip that should have taken three hours and thirty minutes instead took six hours and forty-five minutes. Right now is not the time to ask me if I'm happy with my long distance service.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

On Thursday, I bolted out of Nashville a little earlier than planned just to get a few extra hours of socialization into my first almost-autumn jaunt to Georgia. After a few drinks and laughs with the Sarvays, I crashed.

I made it to Athens around noon on Friday. I then got to do one of my favorite things. I sat in Walkers for four hours and finished a mid-season arrangement for Knight. I made it to band ten minutes late and enjoyed catching up with several people I hadn't seen in years. Afterwards, I hung out with Cub and Trina before retiring at a time that seems awfully un-Athens like.

Saturday morning, I was thirty minutes late to band. I ran into Tom Wa||ace in the parking lot, who "had my back" when I moved to Nashville hoping to get some work for a major arranging house in Nashville. I naturally haven't gotten any work from this place, so the conversation gradually moved from tentative to relaxed.

I saw the band and then spent about 45 minutes tailgating in the parking lot. It was amazing to me how old friendhsips that hadn't been touched up in a long time were back to normal - or more accurately, not normal but very good - in no time flat. It occurred to me in the middle of all of this that there actually might be more to game day than the band... or the game. I think I will explore this possibility in the future (I think I'm going to use a ticket - yes, a ticket - for this week's game. I have never done that before.).

Saw the game. I thought the band was fine... certainly better than I had expected, but with a few weak points that you might expect out of a young group. And yeah, there were some other weak points that weren't the result of youth. I am somewhat optimistic about the future of the group, assuming that the future goes the way I think it's going to. It's more complicated and personal than I choose to blog.

The game was probably as good as I could have expected. Good game. Way too much marketing (which probably won't change). "I'm Georgia" is stupid.

Post game, Trina and friends joined me for TN-FL. Boo. This was followed by yet another unreasonably reasonable bed time.

I'm now in Marietta after another fun evening with the Sarvays. Lunch with Sarah is soon, followed by a trip to the Gwinne++ Exhibition, then Nashville for two days.

In other news, I have recently learned that I will have to miss the Tennessee game. Damnit.

Oh... and this trip has really made me want to be able to buy a second place in Athens (after, of course, I buy a first place in Nashville). Guess I better do something about that, huh?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

[insert enthusiastic yet non-orgasmic exclamation here]

You know... less like "Oh!" and more like "Duuude."

On a whim, I wandered to the cereal aisle at my local Nashville Pub|ix. I knew they wouldn't, but I just needed to see.

They did.

This is even better than Spiderman Dr. Pepper.

That this exists is cool enough. That it is the only type of Wheaties you can buy at a grocery store in the Western Provinces of Big Orange Country almost makes up for "I'm Ge0rgia." Almost.

For what it's worth, "I'm Ge0rgia" is the athletic equivalent of the dummmmmb idea in '93 for the band to dismiss by saying "UGA!" Ge0rgia Bulldog Wheaties, on the other hand, are superhappyfun.

"I've got this great idea. Why don't we pitch it to the Franklin F%@kin' Mint." - Ben Folds

Monday, September 11, 2006

We've got spirit
Yes, we do
We've got spirit
How 'bout you?

"Cock" is the loneliest number

I have no idea what that means.

If you have already seen BlogPong's blog, you know that he and GeorgiaGirl made it up for the weekend. In addition to the Angie show and the Martinez show, Ln and I participated in a little 5k downtown while Russ was at the bar pregaming and thinking of new things to hump.

In other news, I feel like living in Athens right now. I'm not going to move, but I'm one of those phases when I want to be anywhere but here. It will pass, especially after I visit next week. It has to.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Thursday, September 07, 2006

%$#@ is the worst word that you can say. No, you shouldn't say %$#@. No, you shouldn't say %$#@ - %$#@, no!

I have spent a significant portion of the day doing paperwork. I hate paperwork. I hate paperwork so much that would marry a woman I didn’t love if she could and would do my paperwork. I hate paperwork so much that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to throw a repetitive childlike internet temper tantrum. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE paperwork. And I don’t want to do it.

So there.

Aaaaaanyway. On a completely unrelated, yet somehow un-bulleted, topic, I was thinking today about how I converse. I decided to make a list of things that someone can say that make me want to disengage immediately from a conversation. I have mentioned some of these before, but that’s life, Billy. When I have a particular response that I would theoretically offer or when something bears explanation, I will include it in italics (which I have always thought, by the way, should be spelled “italix”). When I have a response that I don’t feel like providing, I will include it in invisible text.

For the record, some readers have definitely used these with me before. Don’t worry about it, and don’t wince the next time you do. It just is.

Here we (really me, but play along) go:

- “You know Brett, you and I are a lot alike.”
Me in theory: “Really? Well, I guess that means that I probably already know what you’re about to say. So don’t.”

- “Well, first of all, let me say that I think your song is great, but…”
Me in theory: “No, you don’t. It could be 'ok, but.' It could be 'good, but.' There is no such thing as 'great, but.'" I made up the phrase, but I learned the lesson the hard way from a student I was teaching over ten years ago who said, “as soon as you say ‘but,’ I already know it was bad.” I don’t think I have done that since without intending for the person to whom I was speaking to know that it really wasn’t very good.

- “Brett, I think you’re a great guy.”
Me in theory: “Check, please… and one for the road.”

- “When you enter…..”
Some of you can name the speaker. Think “Alabama.” Think “red nose.” Think “vicariously,” “vitriolic at best, horrendous at worst.” Think the same old intro for half of the band videos you ever sar.

- [I pick up phone. I answer. Twice. I then hear a click and the caller speaks.] “Mr. Bowcome? Yes, Mr. Baughcum. I am calling to…”
Thanks to our congress which wrote a bill that worked for all of two years.

- “What are you eating under there?”

- [insert text before in which speaker tells me something that doesn’t really affect me, speaker takes a quick breath, continues]”… because…” [speaker continues with more drivel, which incidentally is not a type of tool].

- “Today on the 700 Club, they…”

- “So, what’s up with the DOB job at Ge0rgia?”
No offense. Ask when you want to know, but it puts me on auto-pilot. I’ve only been answering the question for 3.5 years. Poor Trina.

And the big winner these days….

- “So, have you sold any songs yet?”
I am too tired of it to explain.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bender? I don't even...

Oh what to say…

• Not being in Athens this past Saturday felt more normal than ever, and still profoundly weird. You would think that would have gone away by now, and I am starting to wonder if it ever does. On the other hand, from some of the things I am hearing about the gameday experience, I am worried that I will be disappointed to the point of heartbreak when I do get there for UAB.

• I did however miss those of you with whom I normally would have shared a gameday. Badly.

• I went out quite a bit this weekend, and I broke my streak of good behavior in some areas (no I didn’t smoke). When I got back into the gym today, I was in total misery. Then it occurred to me that I was probably feeling the way I did when I wasn’t taking care of myself at all. I hate that I was that miserable for that long.

• I am very excited to seeing BlogPong and GeorgiaGirl this weekend. We have some pretty cool plans.

• I don’t think we learned much of anything from the game on Saturday. Just more questions.