Blandard What's Up Entry

I am, once again, on the literal and proverbial couch, watching the 1983 Sugar Bowl (the flea flicker to Herschel just happened) and telling you what little I have in my head that is appropriate for universal consumption.

From my relative absence of late, you may have reasoned that I have become no less busy since I wrote recently about the strangeness of working in the band room once again. That "two weeks only" is now in danger of becoming a month. The nostalgic fuzziness of returning to a place that holds the memories of nearly half of my life has worn mostly off.

I am now working just enough hours to make sure that operations continue, and working little enough that it is in the personal best interest of those in charge to hire someone permanent. In the meantime, the school is basically paying the money that my insurance company wouldn't pay for my computer.

Serendiptous as the temporary gig is, I am ready (as Dwight once said) not to be a shepherd anymore. More pressing matters await.

Boom...

Ok... Most of the world has been acquainted with this video for some time. But I am afraid that many, if not most, of my friends have not seen it in its entirety. This completely reminds me of numerous (but slightly less awkward) times when I have been forced to be the speaker when I was totally unprepared to do so. I feel horrible for this guy. But I love the very end when his co-anchor thanks him, and he manages a "hhyeah."

Enjoy.


SFW

Health care reform... sign me up

Things that make me happy

In no particular order...

Hoodies (on me)
Butter (on my gir... nevermind)
Candlelight
Learning new stuff
College football
Having a coach who doesn't put up with shit
Typing with a beer in one hnad
Fall weather
Neck rubs
Scalp rubs
My girlfriend
Sandals
My girlfriend's accusations of "mushy blogging"
Finishing a song, and doing it well
Salty mashed potatoes
Calm
Using the phrase "the hell" in the middle of any sentence
Learning that Teflon was once used on missile noses
Brown paper packages tied up with string
Morning
Grandparents
Made-up fight song lyrics
Checks written to me
Ceiling fans

I have been thinking lately that being cool may not be all that it is cracked up to be, and that maybe being giddy and simply tickled to be alive, well, and happy is. Perhaps I will try the latter for a while.

I seriously want to know...

Why do farts smell worse at a school or university than they do at home? Seriously?

I have added a link to "Troy Kicks Cancer" so you too can keep up with the progress of an old friend.

Well, hell...

In the course of my second beer this afternoon, I have been trying to compare my disappointment from today's game to a similar one of the past. I have tried West Virginia 05-06. I've tried Tennessee last year, Auburn '97 and Tech 2000. But I just can't make the comparison. I can't come up with a good reason why this happened.

I really hope there is some growing up going on out there today. I am getting tired of hoping that is true.

Time for another beer.

The inmates and the asylum

It really is a strange night on Creek Stone Drive.

I am alone, which is certainly not the norm of late. Meghan is enjoying a date night with the girls, which theoretically includes none of the activities that some of you might hope would take place (I think it's a little "Grey's Anatomy," a little dinner, and a lot of girl talk). One supposes that a little independence and individuality are good things, and I suppose I agree. But I prefer here when she is in it.

I am watching the #8 Kentucky Wildcats play at the #11 South Carolina Gamecocks, and it's a good game. What has happened to football?



I am tired from work. Yeah, work... at UGA... sound familiar? You may have heard that Trina finally turned out the lights in the band room. Unfortunately, they didn't have anyone to hold down the fort as Trina left for greener pastures and more serene workdays. So I agreed to come in for two weeks (and two weeks ONLY) to help smooth the transition to the new Trina. Few experiences have ever been as surreal as the first morning on the bypass driving to campus dressed much like I used to be every (late) morning (or early afternoon.... or late afternoon). And within the confines of 116, life is new and strange. I'm not saying it's good or bad, better or worse. I'm just saying life is strange in yet another bizarro version of something I once knew far too well.

-------------------------------------------------------

P.S. - Hang in there, Troy.

Stu and M at the Grill Satidy morning.

Yay, Russ([ell]ty)!

... and ...

Happy Birthday, Larry Munson!

Playing "Happy Birthday" for him five or six years ago is one of my favorite memories.

Stupid Question Day

I would like to warn all those I will see this Friday that I fully intend to celebrate Stupid Question Day. It's about damn time we had a holiday that celebrates one of the more common occurences in real life. Perhaps Congress will get on board and create more relevant celebrations. I propose:

- Walking Backwards In a Crowd Without Looking First Day
- Saying "Bring On the Gators" When the Game Is Still One Month Away Day
- Pulling Your Goaltender When You're Riding a Fifty-One Game Win Streak Day
- Smoking Marijuana Before A Court-Mandated Drug Test Day

I never appreciated the smartass advice of one too many self-amusing dads from my childhood when they would say, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." There are stupid questions, and my favorite is:

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

BamaDay Bullets

• I have been in a funk all week because of a minor but extremely painful medical hiccup. No, not hemorrhoids again. And no, I'm not having another outbreak. But it has left me in a bad mood, and when I'm in a bad mood nothing goes right. Fortunately for today, I am not in a bad mood.

• I wonder if they have HGTV in HDTV.

• I see no reason why clapper-activated audible alarms are not factory-installed in the following items to facilitate their easy location:

- Keychains
- Remote Controls
- Wallets

And now it occurs to me that the reason why is because it would create a cacophony at sporting and performing arts events.

• From dictionary.com:

cacophony - 1656, from Gk. kakophonia, from kakophonos "harsh sounding," from kakos "bad, evil" + phone "voice" (see fame). Kako- was a common prefix in Gk., and has often crossed over into Eng., e.g. cacography, the opposite of calligraphy (q.v.). Etymologists connect it with PIE *kakka- "to defecate."

I have long suspected that this was true, but never realized it until... well, just now.

• Now that my insurance company has paid me what they owe me, one of these is in my immediate future as well. It is long overdue.

• It's not really any big secret that I am not a fan of the press. Come to think of it I'm not a fan of a lot of things, including the press, government, or people in general really. Wow, I'm not really sure I'm not in a bad mood.

Aaaaaaaaanyway... My contempt for the press was further justified this week as I listened to ESPN report as fact that CMR was closing practice because he was worrying about Saban spying. He clearly stated that he was doing so more out of concern for revelations resulting from the reports of well-meaning observers, rather than because of any specific external threat. I'm not sure he's telling the whole truth, but I grew tired of ESPN offering editorial commentary regarding his true motivation as fact. But boy it sure does make for a much more interesting game, which happens to be on ESPN and ESPNHD at 7:45 ET tonight, now doesn't it?

And gosh, I don't see any reason why Coach Richt should do anything other than trust that Coach Saban is on the up and up.

Alabama has sold its soul. Rarely before have I wished this badly for the Dawgs to win and win big. Rarely before have I hoped this much that there is a Hell.

Did you ever have one of those days when nothing seemed to go the way it was supposed to?

TV

Over the past several years, I have refused to participate in very much "appointment television" viewing. I have tried, with moderate success, to keep up with American Idol simply because its contents impact my field of business. I catch The Office when I can because it is hilarious and can be enjoyed without extensive knowledge of the events of past episodes. Otherwise, my tendency to travel a lot and the fact that I didn't have a DVR compelled me not to become engaged in any television series that required my regular viewing in order to enjoy it.

When I moved, I decided it was finally time to pay the extra few bucks a month for a DVR. Meghan and I also dove headfirst into prior seasons of two shows which the DVR would allow me to see, without fear of missing significant developments. We completed the first season of Heroes in about four days and loved it. We are currently halfway through season two of Lost (which she has already seen). I had beeen told that I would enjoy this show, but I had no idea.

At a time when television is perceived to be getting worse, these shows in particular buck the trend and are totally worth the time I have spent watching them. The company doesn't hurt either.

I would hate to go an entire week without blogging, and I would be in danger of doing so if I didn't write within the next few hours. I guess I don't have quite as much time to write these days as I did a few scant months ago, and that is just fine with me. Things are good though... the dawgs are good, the tunes are good, the girl is good. And that, friends, means life is good.

Wake up!

It's as though I have been asleep for eight months. And just this morning, that feeling in the pit of my stomach became something much more serious. Today is Friday, and tomorrow is Satidy. And - remember this phrase - not just any Satidy.

I have told you before how much this sport means to me, and if I care for you very much then you probably feel the same way. Somehow, I think in May or June of every year that I will somehow outgrow this obsession, and it never seems to happen... I don't think it ever will.

Here in Athens, traffic has stiffened over the last day-and-a-half. Here in Meghan's living room, the smell of her pre-gameday creations has exploded through the apartment (red velvet cupcakes with chocolate chips!). In Atlanta, friends are calling to finalize plans and the reponsibilities for tailgating supplies. Smiles, eyebrows, and pulses are raised all over town, and the normally quiet parts of the day have been replaced with non-stop frenzy. Athens is buzzing and so am I, with as much brilliance as in any year before.

It's as though I have been asleep for eight months. But tomorrow is Saturday, and now I am wide awake. I hope you are too.

Bom Chicka What?

I realize that no one who reads this blog has ever viewed pornographic material. I am sure, however, that many of you know someone who has, and that most of that many are familiar with the cliche musical motive from the High Music that is pornographic film score.

During a "slow" moment at summer camp, someone presented a couple of commercials that parodied that motive. There are posted below for your pleasure (more or less safe for work, unless you work at a convent):





After viewing these and a European version from the same campaign which used a different version of this motive, a debate ensued regarding the exact spelling and pronunciation of the motive. Due to the inherent handicap in attempting to orally dictate (he he) the performance of an instrument, the debate has never been resolved. It has however resulted in some interesting, and often downright ridiculous, interpretations of the lick (he he).

I do not understand how I have gotten this far into the entry (he he) without using the word "seminal."

Aaaaaaaaaanyway...

At some point, someone with an idle mind and a bit too much free time wondered aloud what the version of the motive might sound like for specific styles of porn. Some of the answers are below. You may provide your own if you wish:

- Urologist Porn = "Bow Chicka Wee-wee"
- Cheerleader Porn = "Boom Chicka Rah-Rah"
- Belinda Carlisle Porn = "Bow Chicka Go-Go"
- Dog-lover Porn = "Bow Chick Chihuahua"
- Fozzy Bear Porn = "Bow Chicka Wocka Wocka"
- Georgia Bulldog Porn = "Bow Chicka Woof Woof"

K.

If you don't think...

the Gators are bad for the SEC, bad for fashion or the future of taste in commercial music, and simply bad for America, then you clearly haven't seen this video. Before you listen/watch, have a trash can and a bottle of PediaLyte ready. It is a truly horrible combination of portions of Grease and the B-52's' "Love Shack," bred with the worst imaginable subject matter.

Kkhhhokay…

As mentioned below, I am in Athens and basically settled. I have moved into a duplex apartment in the same neighborhood in which I lived in my last five years in town.

There are some unusual sensations that have occasionally bubbled up in the early days of my return. Living here and not having an affiliation with the university is unusual if welcome. Living in a seemingly suddenly altered version of a town, to whose changes I previously had been too close to observe, scrambles my sense of space. And in perhaps the cheapest but most palpable sense, living in an apartment with the reverse floor plan of my old home sometimes makes this feel like a bit of a Bizarro Athens.

And I think Bizarro Athens is a fitting way to say it. For me, it is a version of Athens in which I am not so busy that I can’t think. It’s a version of Athens in which I can genuinely enjoy living rather than paddling with all of my might most of the time. This version of Athens contains a lot of history but few ties, a lot of potential but few demands. It is also the site, for me, of contentment rather than panic, and love rather than need. If it is Bizarro Athens, I prefer it in many ways to the original.

As I reread that, I realize that that is a bit unfair to suggest that I was lonely the last time I lived here. You know what I mean.

The longer I am alive, the more clearly I hear screams of testimony from those who know the truth that still sounds like a whisper to me: Life is too short not to do what makes you happy. That is exactly what I am doing. It seems to be working.

In Athens.
I'm almost as tired as I am happy.
Move in on Monday.
Ow.