The Past

I'm not really sure what this is about...

It goes without saying, since she loves me and all, that Meghan is not your typical woman. One way in which this is true may seem insignificant to anyone who isn't intimately acquainted with my particularly potent brand of nerdiness and my need for a sustained immersion in the familiar. But it is most certainly not insignificant that Meghan likes to watch old band videos. At the end of dinner tonight, she said she would like to see the 2004 video (that of my last year with the band). I immediately sought out a waiter for a box.

From the second the video started, I was amazed at those people and how they oozed with personality and uniqueness. That little hint started this chain reaction of thoughts and recollections of all of these people from even further back. This separation I had finally achieved between myself and one million things about that group of people instantly disappeared. I had forgotten about several old friends, some of the traditions, and selected mental pictures and recordings I had made in wise moments of realizing that it wasn't going to last forever. At thirty frames per second, the past seems perfect.

I really did love the moments that were worthy of the highlight reel. That's why I stayed around for so long.

But the more I reflected, the deeper I crept into the memories of those days. I began to remember feeling behind, all the time. I started remembering the frustrations... pulling teeth to get support, managing varying levels of proficiency in those around you, choosing what to do poorly in order to be able to do everything, trying to wash the day away with a Jack and Dr. Pepper, being owned.

There were moments in those days that I hope I never forget - moments that, when recalled, continue to make me smile my honest smile and to summon a tear of fondness

But there were many more hours of film on the cutting room floor. Much of that footage wasn't very pretty.