¡Kelly Clarkson!

I was afraid there for a while that no one would tell the story of the Great Mountain Escape of 2005 2006. Blog this offers an account. I will give a blow by blow from my perspective… stop snickering, there was no RV, and that’s not even what they were doing.

This will be long, so bear with me… again, stop snickering.

Georgia Girl began planning the experience several months back. SuperB0wl (which turned into Exciting-But-Profoundly-Poorly-Played-Bowl) weekend was to be the time. Blue Ridge, Ge0rgia was to be the place. Both of these things came true.

I know for a fact that GG wanted to invite about 35 people, most of whom read and blog on a regular basis. This simply wasn’t possible, as many of us wound up sleeping on or near the floor. So, I suspect she narrowed the guest list down to the people who:

1. Like to get sloppy drunk every now and then, or every now.
B. Were likely to be able to come attend.
III. Were likely to come attend.
4. Have no known allergies or objection to whiskey, eggs, curse phrases invoking the names of any and all revered deities or legislative whips (or current female pop stars), poker chips, jacuzzi chlorine, bananas or grapes, natural gas, human-made gas, deli meat, beer, snow, or heights. Whew.
v. Did not have to be at work first thing Monday morning.

That knocks about 80% of the people we know off of the list. So, here we geaux.

I went to Blog This and GeorgiaGirl’s place on Thursday night. There was moderate television viewing and drinking, and a rather early bed time (this means before 5 am).

Friday morning, I put my car in the shop and watched BlogThis’s golf lesson. I learned a lot of things that I will conveniently forget before the next time I’m on a golf course. Friday night, Kip joined us for a few birthday drinks (Kip’s Birthday… it was Friday).

Saturday afternoon, BlogThis, GeorgiaGirl, Kip and I headed (ploddingly for all of the stops we had to make, most of which were my fault) north to Blue Ridge. We were first to the cabin and were stunned. The place was amazing, and the snow began to fall moments after we arrived. Stacy had gone directly to the horseback riding facility, and was probably the most on time of any of us. While Ln and Stacy rode horses, BlogThis and I drooled at the cabin and awaited the next guests to arrive, while Kip went to say hello to a nearby cousin.

Stop snickering.

Like clockwork (a clock set on Mountain Time… *wink*), Daly, the Bean, and BitchyBecky arrived. Kip returned. GeorgiaGirl and Stacy made their way up the hill…

and it was on…

The Ge0rgia-Vanderbilt game, that is. The D@wgs pulled one out (do I need to say it again?) and there was much rejoicing. The whiskey then began to flow like wine; the vegetables were catapulted into the air and then into BlogThis’s mouth. Burgers were cooked, then consumed. Moor booze wuz poored. Some watched TV as others played pool. Air hockey was a bust, because the puck had vegetable-projectile-like tendencies, and it was only a matter of time.

Someone started Ph@se 10, while some genius decided it was time to play “Name the 80’s tune.” Somewhere in the middle of all this, Gunner, Chief, and the Diva arrived. I too was amazed at how much she’s grown. For those of you who haven’t seen her lately, she is now 5’8, 105 lbs. She has just completed her masters degree in chemistry and begins medical school at Johns H0pkins next fall. It seems like just last year she was spinning in a cardboard box on my floor at the ‘kstone or singing us the ABC’s.

After an attempt at drunk guitar playing, it was time for bed. Ten minutes later, the Diva was up (not really) and the cabin slowly began to rise. We held two seatings for breakfast, and then various recreational activities began. The jacuzzi was apparently warm enough for some folks to drink beer, get all but nekkid, and wander into the cold in order to participate. Stacy, Russ, Kip, and I played pool. I bet Kip $20 that he wouldn’t put his bare ars against the window for the jacuzzi crowd to experience. I was out some $20.

Next, N0-Limit Texas H0ld ‘em (without real money, thus enabling us to value the white chips at $1 million each) began. Those playing around me became giggly at my lack of understanding of the rules of dealing. This would not last long.

The ballgame soon began, and we gradually huddled around the TV to see the Futility Bowl, while eating an assortment of carb-filled and carb-free snacks prepared by GeorgiaGirl, as well as chicken boobies (not really boobies) prepared by Dave.

After the game ended, I received a friendly lesson in poker from BlogThis, Stacy, and Kip. After Grey’s ended, everyone but Becky and the Bean joined in. Somehow, I managed to win the first game of poker that I had ever played. I am fully aware that I won because I was too inexperienced to play with any level of concern, and for that I am sorry. Nevertheless, I won $35. I entered the next game at a $5 buy-in, and was promptly removed to the loser’s lounge. This brought my net gambling (including Kip’s arse) balance for the weekend to +$10, thus insuring I could afford enough gas to get me to about 10 miles south of Chattan00ga the next day.

I am not sure what happened the rest of the night, as I heard that voice in the back of my head saying “Go to bed now, before you hit on someone or call someone a name.” I complied for the most part, though I did sit and ask Stacy questions as she sat trooper-like and answered them until her consciousness gave way.

Twenty minutes later (not really) GeorgiaGirl was talking me off of the air mattress on which I was sleeping (better than dragging me off) and making me a peanut butter and banana sandwich. The house was frantic with people divvying food and drink, cleaning, and throwing away the remnants of a great weekend-plus. Only 11 minutes after the published check-out time, each of us was on our way back to our non-fairy tale existence in the real world.

I was back here by 5pm and working by 6, which I’ve been doing pretty much non-stop since I got here… which is good.

That’s all I’ve got. I had a blast. The real world beckons.