Letterman

Yet again, two things:

1. Does anyone know (or can anyone find out) the name of the song performed by Br0ken S0cial Scene on Letterman last night (6/29/06)?

2. If you haven't been watching, one of Dave's cooler new sketches is called Late Sh0w Fun Facts, which are statements of no truth that sound like something USA Today would put in the lower left corner. For me, it rivals the T0p Ten in originality. Here is a sample of some of the latest ones (from cbs.com):

• On the moon, a person becomes 84% lighter and 12% shorter.
• The longest yard ever measured was three feet, two inches.
• Leonardo daVinci's notes and sketches contain detailed diagrams for the Wet-Nap.
• The most commonly misspelled word in the English language is "Toyotathon."
• The concept of "Soup of the Day" was invented by the Aztecs.

Check out the rest if you like, here. Of course, any red-blooded American would be watching anyway, CBS Weeknights 11:30E/10:30C.

Two things:

1. I am on dial-up... again... from my house.................... that's why............ you............. only get a............... little bit................. of this message at a...............................................
............................................................................... time. Cable.......... guy.......... in........... the...................... morn.'

2. Apparently tonight is Make-Out Night USA. I went out on the deck, and heard my new male and female upstairs neighbors giggling and sighing directly above me, and I'm pretty sure they weren't watching The Golden Girls (it would be different if there was some kind of view, but it's just a f*&king apartment complex.... yes, Brett - yes it is). The next time I went outside, I instead went out my front door, only to find a couple getting all fresh with each other in the parking lot, Bayside style.

It feels like Florida '96.

Hrmmm, um, what to say...

It’s obviously the not-so-busy season in the blogging department for several of us, myself included. I know I haven’t posted much because there isn’t a great deal to tell that is that momentous. Since break-up part two, most developments that have taken place (except for a couple of visits to Nashville from great friends) have been internal and not of a great deal of interest. Plus, in reading some of my previous posts, I got really tired of what seems to have become a cliché at some point. It goes something like this:

“Things are about to get really good” or “Something is changing” or “It’s time for me to do something about it.”

Blegh.

So, I guess that leaves me with random time. And just to be genuine about it, I am going to use bullets.

• After moping about Anne for two days after I got back, I pretty much shut up and got on with life… again, a pretty radical departure from my past, but I think that’s a good thing. She probably flashes through my mind about once every 8 hours or so. That’s not so much.

• I’ve been reading this book lately, and it is wonderful if you enjoy thinking about trends and what large numbers of people can be compelled to do.

• I think I mentioned that Brad came into town for a couple of days after I got back. Earlier this week, Scorley came in for a day and we had a great time. Among other things, we wrote drill, drank way more than we should have, and found a very cool new restaurant where I will take you should you make your way to town. I also lost money in heads-up poker.

• Our waitress at the aforementioned restaurant is a writer/vocalist that I have heard several times in town. It does repeatedly amaze me how small the community or the world is.

• With the exception of a couple of last-minute gigs I have picked up from Alabama and hopefully something for Knight this fall, the horn book-writing for this year should be finished tomorrow (well, today… Thursday).

• Because I actually did get off my ass and do something about not feeling worth a damn ten days ago, I have been feeling more consistently physically good than I remember in many years (with the exception of the morning, er, afternoon after Scorley and I got into the booze).

• Would everyone think I was a wus if I didn’t drink whiskey anymore, and instead switched to wine? If so, would they get over it?

• Health Clubs: If you use them and have pointers for me regarding what to look/look out for, please fill me in. I think I have found one that I like, but I don’t want to do something stupid.

I guess that’s about it… nothing to whine about, no great philosophical realizations that aren’t going into tunes. I’m busy and never bored. I feel great, but not in a "wake up and conquer the world" sort of way... it's something much calmer and steadier, whether that's good or bad.

And that's that.

To not quite quote L@rry King, "Bloomington, Illinois... go ahead." Let me know who you are. I promise not to bite, unless you're into that sort of thing.

I think I am not going to move. I don't know if it's what Bowling Green said, a significant change in habits on my part, that swagger, or just the tides, but I have started running into a lot of people here. I don't see the point in going somewhere where I'm not going to feel safe. And I just don't feel like packing the truck and doing it all again.

Sc0rley comes to town tomorrow afternoon for about a day. That will be nice.

Shit

Ok, I wasn't even going to post today. But I am up late again (actually working this time) and the tv is going in the background. It stuns me that this guy ever got a date, much less had the opportunity to procreate. Sleep well, single people. There is hope for you yet.


"Well, uh, a fecophiliac is somebody who's obsessed with mookie-stinks, Kyle."

I'm not normally up this late these days, but I'm thinking about moving. I've been diligently researching the pros and cons of this move because it would be to a part of town that has not always been known as the safest place in the world, but is experiencing a really cool revival that I think I would like to be in on. Plus, the apartment is just cool - 1/4 of a very old house. I wish I had the pics but I don't. Anyway, I'll think over the weekend and decide on Monday. I think I'm going to do it.

"The Project"

On at least one ocassion in the past year, I have subtly mentioned "a project" at UGA. Well, the AP has picked up on that project and offers an error-filled, if enthusiastic, look at it. It's nice to see the little video with at least one face that is somewhat familiar to many of you.

Battle Hymn at Pregame

Even though it gets slammed as boring or overly sentimental sometimes, I'm still a proud papa. Not great footage, but it does remind you of what that moment feels like when it goes almost right.

Kudos to Paulwesterdawg and The Hobnailed Boot for the find.

Faking it and doing so very well

I made myself a couple of promises on the way back into town on Sunday. These two promises were:

1. I was going to do something about my real intended career as soon as possible.
2. I was going to get out of the house and “get out there” as Bowling Green told me I needed to do.

I did both of those things tonight, and it has made the world seem like less of a tunnel than it did just days ago. In one moment that was particularly important to me, I was sitting on the porch of a pretty significant music establishment with several people that I really didn’t know (at least two of whom have written tunes that many of you know by heart). I felt that old shyness, that belief that everyone was wondering what I was doing there. In what I guess was a moment of decision, I felt myself becoming emotional at “not fitting” in.

It was then that I realized that I was either going to try to fit in and be rejected or accepted, or that I could go home and watch TV by myself. I chose the former… totally faked it, smiled, acted confident and happy in the moment, found something to laugh about. Though the effect didn’t kick in right away, by the end of dinner at 11:30 tonight, the known factors at the table were looking inquisitively in my direction, and finally couldn’t help but break into my conversation and ask, “What are y’all talking about?”

Perhaps this could become a habit.

"go get um - DLK" in three parts

Part One

Several years ago, college basketball public address announcers began to notify the players and crowd when the game clock reached one minute before the end of a game. Having been to over 300 college basketball games in the last ten years or so, I have become accustomed to this announcement, and it is in fact ingrained in my head.

I tend to take long showers, and I sometimes get so comfortable in the shower that my hesitance to leave makes me late for wherever it is that I need to be on a given morning. As I have realized this, I have forced myself to exit the shower within a certain amount of time from the moment when I realize that I am no longer showering for cleanliness. When this moment arrives and I am showering in a house in which I am alone, I will often repeat the announcement that I heard so many times at basketball games.

“One minute. One minute remaining.”

And then I count the seconds down to zero, and I finally leave the shower, wishing all the while that I didn’t have to.

Part Two

My three weeks in Athens brought back a steady controlled swagger that I had lost in the eleven months since I moved to Nashville. Some of this resulted from a situation or two in which I had no choice but to ignore fear and act. Some of it came from a forced change of habits that kept me focused and active. Some of it happened from simply being comfortable. Nevertheless, I like this gait and the accompanying confidence, and I intend to do my best to keep it.

I had a conversation with Bowling Green on the way home today, in which she revealed what happened. I won't post the details, but I will say that I think she was justified in her final decision and that I agree with it. We agree that trying this again was a bad idea, and she has fully accepted the portion of the responsibility for this heartbreak which is rightly hers. But what was particularly notable about the conversation was that she reinforced this confidence with words that could not possibly have been easy for her to release from her mouth.

Be mad or think I am naive for not telling her to go to hell if you want. It will be a while before I can talk to her again for my own reasons. Bowling Green is over. But I now have a friend an hour and twenty minutes from here. While she hurt me in ways, she preserved the positive portions of what was there by doing something that I know was difficult. I'm pretty thankful for that.

Part Three

You may recall that several students in the band threw me a surprise goodbye party before I left UGA. You may also recall that they gave me a beautifully drawn print of a band uniform layed upon a dorm room chair, framed by goodbye messages written from many people associated with the band.

When I forget why I am here, I look at those messages. One in particular reminds me of the figurative slap on the ass and shove out of the aircraft door that those who were dear to me provided as I was preparing to leave Athens. David Ki$h wrote something so simple:

"Once a dawg...

go get um

DLK"

This contributes even more to that swagger that I really need to get back into the game in every imaginable sense. I know, I know. I'm still recovering, and I need to re-enter with fresh legs... I'll take care of myself.

But it feels like something really, really good is about to happen. And I know what I need to do to make sure I'm ready.

The commercial break is almost over, and the coach is looking toward the bench. You know what happens next, but I'll keep you posted every step of the way.

Moving on

The circles that life sometime provides are amazing.

As you read yesterday, things with Bowling Green have ended again. I find myself again at Walker's, in the same spot where I have previously written to her describing a previous trip to Athens, at the same spot where I responded to a seemingly innocent email of five weeks ago asking how I had been, at the same spot where I two weeks ago wrote her an email detailing the minutiae of my very poorly timed departure from Nashville, and at the same spot where I received her break-up email yesterday. Here I am again, reminding myself of what I had really become comfortable with just moments before she emailed a month ago in an attempt to try again...

I'm ok.

Her timing was absolutely horrible in that last night was supposed to be about Gunner. Unfortunately, at times, it was not, and I'm very sorry for those of you who had little choice but to lend a hand in rebuilding me once again. But it is.

And that's just it. It is. I am angry. I am hurt. And I frankly feel betrayed at being asked to trust someone who had hurt me a little bit before at the risk of being hurt worse a second time. I can't imagine that the process of finding a way to mitigate the resulting jerks of the knee and learned reactions to another woman at some point in the future is going to be easy. In fact I know it won't be.

But as much as I am inclined not to trust someone again, as much as I want so badly to draw a negative conclusion about all people (and specifically all women), as much as I want to abandon all hope of ever finding someone who is compatible with me and emotionally capable of managing the quirks and faulty connections between synapses that invariably accompany the difficult process of exposing one's emotional self... It's the wrong thing to do.

Yep, here we go again, recovering from misplaced trust. I want so badly to crawl in a hole and mope about how alone I am and how selfish and untrustworthy all people are... but I won't.

I'll recover. I will jump again, and it's likely that I will miss again. And then I will jump again, all the while hoping that someone out there tells the truth and allows me to do the same without judging me unfairly while sticking around long enough to find out the real truth.

The only other option is far too depressing to think about.

Bowling Green is gone for good. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you know the rest. Something will change.

Cough, wheeze, try to breathe (not the same as being breathless)

There is so much to tell and no time to tell it, so here is a brief summary and some brief very random (yet somehow associated) thoughts.

1. Week one of the camps was quite successful for the first five full days. On the sixth day, things got very hectic and the wheels threatened to come off. It was salvaged and all ended basically very well.

2. I was pegged to sing "Amie" by Pure Pr@irie League on the staff recital last week, in bluegrass style with several closeted practitioners of hillbilly music. It was pretty good, but I had started noticing as the performance was approaching that my vocal range was suffering. Twenty minutes after the performance, I couldn't sing the part correctly. I figured that this was due to our having raised the pitch to accomodate one of the other vocalists.

The next morning I woke up with a cough, and my body began aching as the morning progressed. It was at this time when one of the clinicians said "I went to the doctor about that on Monday. It was strep throat... they gave me a shot and it cleared right up."

Thanks!

Sure enough, I too had strep and had to see my old doctor for antibiotics. I was out of commission for about a day. It's still wearing off.

3. I enjoyed seeing the Georgia game on Saturday (in spite of the loss) with Scorly and Trina. We had a nice afternoon together as well (while I worked).

4. Today, the second camp started with far more complications than the first. My stress level rose through the roof, and I began to recognize my reactions to that as those of myself when I lived and worked here. I am simply stunned at how much that can affect every other portion of my life, and I don't particularly care for the reaction. This, yet again, confirmed for me that I made the right move.

5. I have had quite a bit of trouble breaking away to work, but I hope that will improve this week.

6. The level of bullshit in my particular former corner of this town is at an all-time high.

7. If you haven't already heard, we are drinking in Gunner's honor this weekend. You should be there.

How's this for bloggers?

In order not to be publicly humiliated... well, publicly humiliated by someone other than myself (namely the Blog Police or his Trusty Assistant). I am writing briefly today. I don't have much time to do so, however, as I have only managed to get away from my camp duties for four hours, and I certainly don't want to be cited by the Why the Hell Aren't You Writing My Show Police.... a citation that is much more expensive in real currency.

All is well. I'm busy, tired, and in Athens. Two photographs for you:


This was me just moments ago in Die Walkers. I'm not sure if that's rage, fatigue, or a temporary lapse of what Gunner calls "coping skills."


This is Gunner on Friday night, drinking some kind of soda that made him feel funny.

I'll write more as soon as Galarza complains again.