Act I

If I ever direct a movie, instead of "Action," I'm going to say "Get ready, get set, GO!

(Scene: Intramural Field #1, August many years ago. A major university marching band is on the field learning a halftime show. Ominous clouds have begun sweeping in from the west. Lightning is striking, and the two directors on the tower are counting the seconds from the bolt to the boom. The natives are getting restless as many of them are holding 50-pound lightning rods)

Brett: Folks, rest assured that when the lightning is five miles away we will send you to your cars. So until then, let's try to get the rest of this closer on.

(The brass players laugh, the woodwind players bitch. A cell phone rings. The non-Brett director answers the phone, as the contractor who is building the addition to his house has been needing to get in touch with him)

Doubletree: Hello... hey Mr. Contractor, I'm glad you called.

Brett: Ok, guys, let's take a look at page 6. Face the dot and take 16 equal size steps to get there. Kick it off.

Doubletree: Shingles? You need to order more?

Brett: Easy! Easy! Kit, you're closing the interval... smaller steps!!!

Doubletree: Well, how much is that going to cost me?

(A sky-wide flash of lightning interrupts the run. Band members can be heard counting seconds: "One, two, three" at qtr note = 88.)

Brett: Those aren't seconds. Count slower.

Brett (whispering to the other director): Seriously, that lightning is getting awfully close. We need to send them in.

Doubletree (turning away from Brett and the band so he can hear his cell phone more easily): Well, don't buy them at Home Depot, we're already over budget!

Brett (to band): Alright, set the dot.

(Another flash of lightning, followed by thunder less than a second later. Woodwinds scream, brass players get pissed.)

Brett (to other director): Dude, we need to send them in... this is flat-out dangerous!

Doubletree (to Brett): Excuse me, can't you see I'm ON THE PHONE!!!?

And CUT!