The Philosophy of Me

Well, I'm finding out that several new readers beyond the original one are now reading, so welcome. Unfortunately I'm not going to be really funny tonight. So if you're in the mood for some comedy, maybe wait 'til tomorrow. If you're into a little of my own personal philosophy that may mean nothing to you, by all means read on!

If you're new to this or to me, you may not know that I once decided that everything in life must be dramatic or painful. This can be a lot of fun, but not really. So lots of times I will turn what many may think to be a molehill into my own personal mountain. I made that up myself. Likey?

Any case, the new struggle to become comfortable in my own skin is well underway, and I haven't even listened to the Jessica Simpson song!!! But this is kinda necessary if I'm going to all strike out on my own to Nashvegas and survive five to ten years of often unfair criticism and rejection with no one in town to bring me a little bottle of booze or a copy of Maxim.

So the last two days I've finally let go of some small but strong "things" I thought I had to have. But I wasn't really confident enough to say definitively that I had let go, and if there are two things I hate then one of them is being wrong. The other will wait. We'll have a contest to figure out what the other thing I hate is (HINT: It rhymes with "eeen beans.")

And now I think I have let go. It's not so much a thing, or a person... a possession or a desire. It was more of a pattern of thought. So I believe that the key to keeping myself out of that train of thought is rather simple (but most certainly not easy).

It is simply being... and nothing more.

I believe I have spent these 31 years, not observing or watching the world around me, not learning or absorbing everything else. I believe I have spent it watching me. I've been observing myself from the outside in, constantly critiquing my every "thought and deed" and trying to make sure it lines up with the expectations of those who, quite frankly, don't know me.

Not to be a relativist, but I believe that you can't possibly know what I need. You probably have suggestions, and believe me, I appreciate those when they come out of an honest mouth.

But the trick for me, at least for the last 36 hours or so has been to crawl into myself (Rusty, stop snickering.... Rusty!!!). And yes, it is somewhat physical. It feels like my eyes are sinking into the back of my head and aren't poking into what you're doing. They're not reading into you. They're just watching, and they're watching you in the context of me, rather than me in the context of you and your 6+ billion fellow Earthlings. Not that I think I should observe and not participate, just maybe observe and participate when I am.... called? (hmmm)

So, maybe the next time you see me, maybe you'll think I'm cocky, depressed, or disinterested. Or maybe you'll think I'm (as they say in Garden State) "in it." And I am. "It" is me.

Join us tomorrow for pointless observations of pointless things. And, if you're lucky, perhaps we'll find a new pop star to whom we can feel superior.