I was driving home from the 'kwood today, trying to reach Cooper. Instead, Chuck (at the idiot) picked up. He said I should come down tonight to meet Texas Country Sensation Pat Gr*en. He was very cool.

Here's a tip for you aspiring songwriters, though. When the star asks if you are going to his show that night, don't make any excuses. Just say yes. They'll never know the difference.

Remove foot from mo... wait.

Remove head from ass. Then remove foot from mouth.

That's better.